Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
