she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
