I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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