Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
