He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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