i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
