Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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