rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
