I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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