I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
