just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
