I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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