We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
