so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
