I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
