Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
