Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize