You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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