I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
