they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
