Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
