Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
