you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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