You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
