Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
