if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
