Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
