Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
