We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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