i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize