I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
