So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your cock deserves a montage
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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