Where is the hickey?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
