I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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