I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
