All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
how does that bad decision feel?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
