He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
