Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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