I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
