VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
