That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
