i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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