we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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