Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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