Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
