either way he was missing a nipple.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
