I wanna bring you to show and tell
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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