Your tits are I can't wait for
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
