i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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