it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
