people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
