I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
