Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
