Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
