You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
