Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
