I faked an abortion last night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize