i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
