she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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