u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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