nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
