We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
